I’m Too Busy

I was sitting in a meeting at work, and the conversation was about developing future leaders in our organization. Obviously, this was important—and something I was very passionate about.

At the end of the meeting, the leader asked who would volunteer to spend some time mentoring a few of these promising young leaders.

Normally, my hand would have shot up.

But at the time, I was already directly leading or mentoring 25 people. Not to mention I was working close to 70 hours a week.

So I kept my hand down.

Then, before the meeting ended, someone asked if I would take just two.

And I said yes.

I SAID YES!

What was I thinking? I had absolutely no capacity for that. I was already treading water.

I went home that night bothered by the fact that I had committed to something I knew I couldn't do well. I was stressed about it. I prayed about it. And by the next day, I knew I needed to back out.

Taking on two more people would mean taking something away from the people I was already mentoring. I wouldn't be able to give anyone my best.

So I called the leader, explained my situation, and backed out of the commitment.

I felt horrible.

But it also made me wonder: How do we get ourselves into these places?

How do our lives become so full that we don't have time for the things we actually want to do?

When Busy Crowds Out Everything Else

Looking back on my career, I realize I didn't prioritize having enough space in my life for two things that can make life richer: hobbies and volunteering.

I was so wound up from racing through everything that needed to be done that I wasn't balancing all that output with things that restored me.

Maybe you're someone who thinks work and family are enough. Fair enough.

But I've learned from experience that life is richer when there is room for more than our responsibilities. We need things that restore us, interest us, connect us to others, and remind us that our identity is bigger than what we accomplish.

According to Pew Research, only about 1 in 5 Americans spontaneously mention hobbies and activities when asked what gives their lives meaning. Yet about 4 in 10 say creative pursuits or being involved in their community are very important to them.

So, if we know these things matter to us, why do so few of us make room for them?

Maybe the problem isn't that we don't value them. Maybe we're simply too busy.

So what do you do when you're already living in chaos and realize you need more balance?

Quit your job and read a book all day?

Probably not.

Carve time away from your family so you can volunteer somewhere because an article told you it would make you more balanced?

Again, probably not.

I needed to explore what might bring more balance and enjoyment into my life.

There was just one problem.

I didn't have time to explore.

And the truth is, I didn't. I didn't really begin exploring hobbies or new places to volunteer until I retired from my career and started a business that gave me more freedom with my time.

But I learned a lot in the process.

So let me be a guide for those of you who feel too busy to explore on your own. Maybe you can learn something from my journey—and hopefully get there a little sooner than I did.

Start by Trying Things

Where do you start when you don't even know what you enjoy doing in your downtime?

For me, I decided to get a broad view of the options. I simply started saying yes to things I had never had time for or hadn't tried before.

One of my first ventures was making sourdough bread with my daughter-in-law. She got me set up with a starter, told me what I needed, and away I went.

I had the tools. I invested in the process. I made a few loaves.

And in the end, I discovered that it's cheaper—and far more fulfilling for me—to buy my bread or be gifted a loaf from an expert.

Apparently, I am not the kind of person who wants to plan my day around adding flour and watching dough rise.

Luckily, I never invested in the expensive baking dish.

But that's the point of exploring. You don't have to love everything you try.

Next, I decided to go completely outside the box and take a glassblowing class.

I recommend taking a friend along on adventures like these, so a friend joined me.

WOW. It is HOT in there.

But it was fascinating to see all the steps involved in creating a glass vessel and getting the color and shape just right. Our instructor was animated and excited about his work. He truly loved what he did.

We successfully created glass ornaments and had a great time.

Would I do it again? Absolutely.

Am I going to become a glassblower? No.

Apparently, spending hours around dangerously hot ovens isn't my thing either. Did I mention it was hot in there? 

But I had a great time finding that out.

Find What Actually Restores You

I've always been creative and have dabbled in sewing, crafting, and painting. Over the past few years, I've stumbled onto two things I genuinely love.

Don't judge me.

Paint-by-number paintings and adult coloring books.

There. I said it.

I love paint-by-number. Following the suggested colors has actually taught me a lot about shading when I paint other things. I can stop and start whenever I want. And all the paint comes with the canvas. Bonus.

I've also picked up adult coloring books.

Sometimes, instead of scrolling on my phone at night, I'll sit and color flowers in a book.

It gives me all the cozy vibes.

More importantly, it quiets my mind.

I've realized that's one of the things a good hobby does: it doesn't demand more from you. It gives something back to you.

Volunteering Can Do the Same Thing

Hobbies aren't the only way to create more balance in our lives.

Volunteering can be incredibly life-giving, too. Serving other people does something to your heart, and there is almost no limit to the ways you can volunteer.

But I've learned something important:

Find the places that give you energy—not the places you serve only because you feel guilty.

I've served in places simply because they needed me, even when I wasn't enjoying it.

Sometimes the organization wasn't well organized. Sometimes the work didn't match my passion. Sometimes I was simply going through the motions without finding any joy in what I was doing.

That's not sustainable.

Sometimes we put ourselves into volunteer roles that don't match our gifts. Sometimes we don't enjoy the people we're serving alongside. And sometimes we don't feel valued or appreciated.

If that's where you are, you have options. Understand your gifts and look for a role that uses them. Find something better suited to you. Or become part of the solution and help make the place where you serve better.

You may even discover you're the person who can lead something into a healthier place.

Look for the Intersection

We know our kids' schools have needs. Our local churches have opportunities. But what else is out there?

How do you find your volunteering niche?

Start with what you already enjoy.

Maybe you used to run races, but your knees, feet—or insert aging body part here—have officially retired you from racing.

Could you volunteer at a race instead? Check people in? Help with setup? Hand out water? Reach out to an event you enjoyed and ask where they need help.

Another place to look is at your own life experiences.

Has someone or some organization helped you through a difficult season? Could your experience now benefit someone else?

My husband and I have both been through cancer. We love helping organizations that care for people going through cancer because we understand how difficult that journey can be.

I have a friend who lost her husband several years ago and now helps others who are walking through grief.

Your hardest experiences can sometimes give you a unique ability to come alongside someone else.

Or maybe there's simply a cause that breaks your heart.

Pay attention to that.

Knowing what you're passionate about can help you discover where serving will feel meaningful rather than obligatory. You may even discover that serving on a board or lending your professional expertise allows you to combine your skills with something you deeply care about.

Creating Margin Before You Have To

I think back to that season when I didn't even have room in my schedule for something I deeply cared about—developing people.

It's hard for me now to remember what it felt like to have so little margin. No hobbies. Little time to explore. No capacity to serve simply because I wanted to.

Today, my life looks different.

The work I've done to understand myself—and the fun I've had exploring what I enjoy—has made my life richer. I have work I love, friends who enjoy volunteering in some of the same places I do, and hobbies that restore me.

I wish I hadn't waited so long to discover that.

You don't have to quit your job, retire, or completely rearrange your life to begin creating margin. You can start small.

If you'd like to explore volunteering or find a hobby that gives you life, here are a few places to begin.

Remember Who You Were as a Kid

What did you want to be? What did you naturally enjoy?

Sometimes there are clues in the things we loved before life became filled with responsibilities.

Did you build model cars? Put on plays? Paint? Play sports? Throw elaborate Halloween parties?

Don't dismiss those things. They may tell you something about what still brings you joy.

Pay Attention to Your Passions

What naturally gets your attention?

Do you love helping people who are struggling? Mountain biking? Dogs? Cats? Nature? Art? Music? Cooking?

Your interests can point you toward both hobbies and meaningful ways to serve.

Consider Where You're Uniquely Qualified

We all have something we can give that not everyone else can.

Maybe you're a doctor who can serve on a medical mission trip. Maybe you're a great baker and a student organization needs cookies every week. Maybe your schedule allows you to pick up donated food from restaurants for a local soup kitchen.

Don't overlook the ordinary things you're good at. They may be incredibly valuable to someone else.

Commit to Trying Something

This may be the most important step.

Often, we don't experience something new because we never actually commit.

We don't sign up.

We don't make the call.

We don't put it on the calendar.

So take a small risk.

Sign up for something new. Set a date with a friend to try that hobby you've been curious about. Spend 20 minutes looking up an organization you've always wanted to know more about.

You don't need hours of free time to begin creating a fuller life. You just need enough margin to try one thing.

And maybe the next time someone asks you to say yes, you'll know whether it's something that belongs in your life—or something you finally have permission to say no to.