Believe In The Lake

As I sit here on the deck of our vacation condo, I am smiling as I reflect on so many memories. Norris Lake, TN, is so peaceful. The cool blue-green water, the creatures making noises, even someone’s radio playing Lainey Wilson in the background. The water looks like glass and people are just now waking up from last night’s adventures. I have been at this lake more times than I can count, and every time I come back, all the wonderful memories just come rushing back. 

We spent many summer vacations down on Norris Lake. I am not even sure how the whole thing started, but it became our summer tradition when our daughter was younger. We’d plan a week at the lake with 2 other families and just escape from work, stress, and the responsibilities of life. We would find a cabin to fit everyone, rent a pontoon with a slide, and haul our wave runners down. The week was packed full of tubing, floating, theme days, and rotating who had to go back to the cabin to feed us all. One of the phrases we all learned was, “Believe in the Lake.” We said this to hold off the rain or just to claim the good times we knew we were about to have. It became a mantra for all of us in our vacations, our friendships, and in life. If you have been on the lake with us, you have already finished my sentence. There are so many wonderful stories to tell about our adventures. Some hilarious, some hard. But all of them have formed us. 

Yesterday, we went back out on Norris Lake after 8 long years. Why 8 years? Partly because our daughter had become an adult and we picked other adventures for our vacations, and partly due to some of our own physical challenges of the decade: 3 bouts with cancer, 2 knee replacements and we adopted 2 other daughters who needed different things from us. For our friends, it was competitive volleyball for their girls, family deaths, and proximity to each other. And finally, metaphorically, when your boat isn’t anchored, close friends tend to drift apart. 

It’s funny how one event in life can cause you to reflect back and notice something you have known all along. Being back on Norris Lake was one of those times. We were on a boat with 2 other couples we had vacationed and been friends with for years. The old jokes, the comfort of togetherness, and the level of depth we could go was instant. How does that happen? It’s a result of cultivating a close friendship that stands the test of time. These friends have faced the family deaths with us… we have raised our kids together celebrating birthdays and graduations… we’ve grown in our faith together… We've seen each other through job changes. Such a deep friendship that has lasted most of our adult lives. I believe we could tell each other anything and still be loved and supported. 

“Friends come and go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” Proverbs 18:24

So, how did we drift apart? The simple answer is that friendship takes effort from all parties to sustain it. You have to cultivate a friendship for it to stay strong, being willing to get vulnerable and stay there if you want to be close. You have to commit to being willing to see that person through all their junk– hard times, addictions, difficult kid situations, marriage struggles, etc. Most of us don’t like the mess of friendships, so we move on to someone else who accepts us for who we are at the moment… or who we appear to be if we don’t let them see our true selves. 

Let’s be real- - we have friends from our neighborhood and school who we grew up with. Most of us don’t keep these friendships going unless we still live “in that world”. We move on to coworkers, or neighbors, or school kids/parents for new friendships. If we are lucky, there are groups we get close with, and a few people in those groups we build closer bonds with. Some of us stay close with our families as “our people”. And, as life moves on, we once again drift to the next life stage or set of circumstances, floating on to our next set of friends. We may stay connected to older friends or see them once every 5 years, but rarely do they stay that close. Why? 

Deep friendships that last require a few things to grow and maintain that level of friendship. The first, and I think most important, is shared values and commitment. Just like marriage, you will do better and last longer if you have common interests and values. Are your friends people you respect, and do they bring the best out in you? Second, do you regularly connect with those friends to keep your friendship current and growing? Where do you go and what do you do together? I’m not saying you have to love all the same things, but you do have to have regular activities you both like to be a part of for a friendship to last. Maybe it’s a bike trip, maybe coffee once a month at your favorite coffee shop, or perhaps it’s working to grow closer to God and each other. Whatever it is, having some regular connection keeps conversation flowing and allows the friendship to grow. The third element of keeping a lasting friendship is to be vulnerable. All of us have different levels of comfort here, but it is important to stretch yourself with those you see as close friends. Try sharing a bit more about your struggles or dreams. Try asking about and encouraging your friend in their challenges and joys. It unlocks more and more levels towards a deeper and more meaningful friendship. 

The lake was such a sweet connection with our old friends and a reminder that close lasting friendships are rare and worth the effort to keep. The joy and depth of that boat ride I could never fully express, but it made my heart sing. And what was true all those years ago is still the phrase today: “Believe in the Lake.”