Do the shoes fit?
Strut on in There
By Lori Stansbury
Since I was a kid I have been fascinated by models and fashion…watching the model strut down the runway in a bizarre outfit and strange makeup…people checking out the latest fashion that they will likely never wear. But somehow I loved seeing the confidence exhibited by those models–or at least it appeared that way. Maybe that’s why I decided to major in Fashion Design in college. Oh, to one day have my crazy design being worn by a model on those runways! I once designed a skirt in college made from the striping from a 1980s folding lawn chair. Would I have chosen the weird makeup for my models to wear? I’m sure I would have.
While my confidence in designing was strong, my confidence to make it on my own in New York City was not. I could not picture living with 6 people in a 500 square foot apartment and working 2 jobs just to survive. So…I didn’t do it. Instead I settled for working as a store manager in retail. I did feel confident in my ability to sell clothes, display them well, and manage people. This quickly resulted in awards, promotions and more responsibility for me. But I never saw myself as a leader. My insecurity constantly taunted me, “What if they find out you are not really a leader?” Years later, I was put in charge of the sales training and merchandising of the whole company. I had a blast doing it, but I still would not have called myself a leader. The shoe just didn’t fit.
Proverbs 3:26 for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.
Years later, I moved to a new city, got married and started a new career. That career was nothing like anything I had done before. I knew no one. I wasn’t educated in the areas I was leading. And, did I mention it was in ministry where most people think you have the highest morals and perfect life to be there? A new layer of insecurity began to form. I am not going to lie, I did have a few tearful moments at my desk wondering how I got there and how I could do this. That is when God started to show me just how I was made. I had bosses who built into me. I spent time journaling. I saw a counselor who helped me unpack some things in my past, discovering where some of my insecurities were coming from. None of them were life altering or a trauma I could not overcome. That voice was of the enemy, Satan, telling me I wasn’t good enough, I was a fake, and that I wasn't strong enough to lead others or chart new territory. Sometimes, those voices were just in my head. But other times I would hear the words from the mouth of others.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
I started to remove the layers of insecurity one by one. I like to think of it like peeling an onion. If you cut an onion in half, you are more likely to feel its effects quickly.(Ever cried cutting an onion?) Slowly learning more about myself, and beginning to unlayer the lies I had believed were essential to this process. I did not grow up in a family that pushed you to try new things. I was encouraged to play it safe, stay in the background. That didn’t give me the resilience I needed to try and fail. Or to step out in bold ways without knowing the outcome. As I look back now, I see that I did try some things and succeed. I led in cheerleading, in student council, in certain jobs I held, and in relationships with friends. I just didn’t see how I was a good leader. I had no leaders in my life who I could emulate. No one who was like me.
But my servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit and has followed me fully, I will bring into the land into which he went, and his descendants shall possess it.
I also had a habit of slotting myself just behind very strong leaders–those who had great vision and compelling strategies. I would follow them, sometimes hiding behind their leadership while trying to grow my confidence. I would execute their plans, discerning where they wanted to go, and be the rudder that can turn the whole ship toward the desired destination. It allowed my leaders to get the recognition they deserved. While being under their leadership grew me, it did not help me see the potential I had to be a stronger leader myself. Only looking back can I see opportunities I left on the table because I was too scared to step into them.
So how does one actually see the leader inside themself? I think it starts with knowing how God made you–the qualities He put inside you since before you were born. You have unique qualities like no one else in your family and like none of your friends. Yes, sometimes we have similar qualities, but the combination is 100% unique. This means you have a unique imprint to leave in this world.
I started realizing I am a strong but unique leader in how I lead. I am not hard charging but you know what I want if you are on my team. I don’t want to just know you are getting your work done, I also want to see how God is growing you into more of who you are made to be. That took some getting vulnerable for me and my staff. How did I learn this? From my own leader helping me unpack what wasn’t true about me, and what was true, but not being used to the fullest. Think of a great singer or speaker who doesn’t ever get on a stage or use their words. It is a waste of their gifts. For me, I needed to embrace that I did like to solve problems, create systems, and build into others through change management. I liked to start new things, not maintain them. I did well when there was something to measure. Or I would create the measurement to celebrate successes.
Today, I am a more confident leader and know I can do a variety of things with my gifts and talents. I have started my own business, and I can now coach others in their journey as a leader.
Once you begin to let go of things that aren’t true about you and begin to walk in the shoes that fit, your confidence will grow. You will be strutting in your leadership and gifting before you know it. Walking through life with confidence is exhilarating!
Here are some ways to explore your gifts:
Take some kind of a gifts/personality test to see what you say about yourself. Do reading the results accurately describe you? How can you test some of the qualities out?
Make a list of “I am” statements. Think about who you are. Cross out the ones that are negative or don’t feel truly like you all the time.
List a few ways that your gifts have played out in your life. Things you accomplished, people you helped, and times when you felt most alive.