Celebrating Love

Ahhhh, Valentine’s Day! It is either a dreaded holiday for you, something you ignore, or a chance to show all the people you love just how much you care. I have to admit, I have been spoiled in this area. My mom has always loved this holiday. Since I was young, Valentine’s Day has been about getting heart socks, reading candy hearts, making valentines for your class and sitting down at lunch with my friends, and opening my lunch which almost always included a heart napkin with a note from my mom and a sweet cupcake. At home those nights, we would have a good meal and always some special dessert to celebrate the day. I knew that was different than most kids experienced. 

Later in life, I married my sweet husband, a true romantic who loves buying flowers, picking out the perfect card or two and making special dinner plans just for the two of us. One year, he even sat through the Romeo and Juliet ballet just for me. (Well, not without loudly complaining about the men on stage wearing tights.) But it isn’t just Valentine’s Day when my husband shows that kind of romantic love. He often surprises me with unexpected ways to show he cares. 

Being loved and the tangible love someone gives you is really important to our self worth and confidence. That love can come from a spouse, a parent, or a sibling. It can come from friends and people around you. The best feeling of love, though, is from feeling God’s love for us. But what if you don’t receive that love? What if you don’t have people in your life to give that to you?  I have spoken with several people over my many years as a pastor who have said, “I don’t have anyone who loves me,” or “I don’t need anyone. I am fine on my own.” Neither one of those should be how anyone lives their lives. I want to give you some ways that every person can receive love and give love. Are you ready? 

LOVE SELF

Love starts with loving yourself. I know, that doesn’t sound like a humble thing to say, but you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. It starts with loving who you are and how God made you. Even if you don’t believe God exists, it is true. You can’t give to others what you don’t have yourself. The more you can see how you were uniquely created and what you have to offer this world, the more you can bring to the table. Consider how much you love yourself truly for who you are. What qualities do you possess? Do you have good looks? A great personality? Are you gifted in sports or have a great intellectual mind? Are you great with kids or with raising money for a good cause? 

“For you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:13-14

We all tend to give out of the abundance we have to love others. That is why we need to love ourselves first. Having a healthy dose of confidence and self care is important to being a joyful and happy person. Sure, we all know people who give and give, but they might privately resent others for not caring for them the way they do others, or they eventually burn out from doing all the giving. Let me give you a test to see how much you love yourself. Take a piece of paper or your phone and list 10 words to describe yourself. How many of those words are positive? I don’t mean listing mom, daughter, pet owner. I mean real descriptors like helper, teacher, generous giver. Once you have that list, think about the things you do to take care of yourself. How do you show yourself love? Maybe it is your eating habits? Or the exercise you do? Or the times you give yourself rest? 

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:14

Consider how you might love yourself more for who you are- not anything someone else expects from you. 

LOVE OTHERS

We started with loving ourselves, but if you just stop there, you’d be considered a narcissist. We were put in this world to live with others and be a great citizen in society. That includes loving other people. We don’t love everyone the same, but we should show genuine care to others and some, we show greater love to. 

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, ‘Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:43-44

In today’s world, it feels like we should pick a side, or enjoy hating others who don’t align with all the things we believe. Why? It seems the world would be a better place if we could just embrace that we are all different and somehow decide to embrace the variety. We should enjoy being around those who are different than we are. I know each time I put myself in a situation where I am a minority, I learn something about others. Building friendships with coworkers or neighbors who have differing points of view only grows my perspective. 

 “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7

How do we show love to others? Look for what they like and try to do that. If they enjoy a longer conversation, have one. If someone you care about enjoys playing board games, play one with them. If you want to develop a deeper friendship, be willing to be more vulnerable so they do the same. I have all kinds of friends; some acquaintances that I see every so often and can have a casual conversation with, and some closer friends I see weekly that I share more of my life with. And still closer relationships with those who know what I am thinking before I even say it. It is okay to build levels of friendships even if those friendships change over time. The main thing is to be sure you are loving others as you want to be loved yourself. 

TRUE LOVE

I believe there is one true love person for most people. You fall in love, and you try hard to keep loving them for the rest of your lives. It doesn’t always work out that way but for me it has. To find that true love, I do think you need to love yourself, be a person who loves others and be seeking someone who matches the love you give. I also have observed that when you try too hard to find them yourself, sometimes you seem desperate and you may pick someone out of that desperation. That is often why marriages fail. We settled and we aren’t feeling loved. But we may also not be giving the love that person deserved. It is a two way street. 

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” 1 Corinthians 13:7-8

I believe that being in a marriage relationship is the closest thing to what being loved by God is like. Unconditional love is a goal to strive for. Loving the other person at a cost to yourself. To love not thinking about keeping score, but truly loving that person to show them how much you care. Being as close as two people can be. It takes hard work, commitment, and spending lots of time together being willing to be the most vulnerable with them. You allow each other to help carry your burdens. You celebrate their joys with them. You know each other's deepest secrets. 

You build a life together sharing money, building a home, creating a family together. You embrace each other’s extended family. 

“We love, because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

LOVE FROM AND TO GOD

The best love you can give and receive comes from a relationship with God. It makes sense that the person or deity who has and shows the most love would be the one you would benefit from loving most. Right? Then why is it so hard for us to give and receive love from God? I think part of it is our ability to receive love. If we don’t practice giving and receiving all the types of love mentioned above, we probably think we would not  be good at loving God. 

One of the hardest things to do is receive love. Sounds weird but think about it. Someone gives you a compliment or brings you flowers. It almost feels awkward to receive it. Or you feel the need to reciprocate. To just give love without knowing if you would get it in return OR to receive love and not feel you owe someone back is a very strange thing. 

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”  1 John 4:8

And yet, that is what God does for us everyday. He created us special, and yet we fail to celebrate and be confident in who we are. He loves us unconditionally and, no matter what we have done, he keeps loving us. He loves us even when we show no love or acknowledge that He exists. He still loves us. And what does he ask in return? Just recognize who He is and love him back as much as you can. No more or less. That is unconditional love. 

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

What are some practical ways to love God and receive from Him? Try talking to Him. That could look like talking out loud just like you do with a person. It could be journaling your feelings to Him and seeing if anything comes to mind after you do. Jot those thoughts down. It could look like singing to Him through worship. Throw in the ear buds and play your favorite songs about Him. He doesn’t care if you sing off key- -  He actually likes it. (Unlike your family.) Practice gratitude. Tell God what He has done for you each day no matter how much the day has sucked. Look for the good in the day and remind Him that you see it. Your heart will grow, and love will be more present in your life. 

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37