Looking back at Leadership

“Age brings wisdom”…”The view from the front is different than looking back”…”Time to reflect brings perspective”..."It is only in looking back that it's easy to connect the dots.”

 I have had a full career in leadership and have the advantage to spend time in a slower period of my life reflecting a bit on the journey so far. It is a gift to have the time and space to really see where you have been, and what you have learned throughout your career. Most of the time, we move too fast and are constantly working on the next thing, too focused to step back and see the view. I would love to unpack some of what I have learned in leadership through my reflection season. 

Growing into Leadership

When I was a young leader, I didn’t realize that I had leadership qualities and desires in me. And then I had no understanding of what to do with them. I fell into opportunities that gave me experience to learn leadership. I took roles that were way above my abilities, and just plowed through them   to learn how to navigate the role. I started as a  leader in retail, and was promoted several times in just a few years. I found myself leading eight stores and managing people twice my age. Most of them had more experience than I did. I would regularly say to my friends, “I’m not really a leader, but they put me in charge.” 

That did nothing to build my confidence. What did build confidence was having leaders above me to breathe confidence in me and ask me what I wanted to do. I remember one conversation with our VP of Sales. He said, ‘You could do my job one day. What do you want to do? I would like to help you get there.” Wow! I took him up on giving me advice, letting me know when opportunities arose, and letting me know my shadow areas. Having trusted leaders to help you grow is key. They often see things in us we can’t see ourselves. 

Mentors along the way

It bothers me when I hear someone say “No one really mentored me in my leadership.” This bugs me for two reasons: One, I am a leader who has spent a lot of time building into others, and I hope they appreciate that build. It takes extra time and effort to not only do your job, but to build into others along the way. Second, we all learn from others around us - good or bad. To look back and notice the others who have been on your path helps you see that you, too, are doing that for others. We pick up the good and bad in those around us. I have a theory of my own-  we model some of what our first leaders modeled in how they led. I worked with someone who would yell at their employees when stressful times came. This was a person who was loving and caring- until that stress hit. What I learned was that their first manager was exactly like that. This employee grew into management and assumed they needed to lead in the same fashion. It took retraining to unlearn that modeling. 

Mentors help us grow towards our next steps in leadership. I like to refer to the pushmi-pullyu character in Dr. Doolittle. The pushmi-pullyu was a llama-looking animal with 2 heads - one on each end. The idea is that like this animal, we all should be pushing someone along while we are being pulled by another. One person mentoring us, while we as a leader, are bringing another along. My story is full of people in my life at each stage of life who were a guide, a trainer, a spiritual guide to me. Doing it alone is much harder than looking around for, someone who can help you. At the same time, I am a developer of people. I want to bring others along with me to grow their leadership and confidence at the same time. 

I have had great mentors who have encouraged me, stretched me, and given me great training to lead stronger as I have navigated my career. I think it is important to identify what stage of life you are in, and what you need. Find a mentor who is interested in investing in you, and who  you want to learn from. It could be your boss. It could be a leader around you who knows how to work in your company or field. At the same time, notice the people around you. Who could you offer that same help to? Is there someone who seems to gravitate to you for advice? Someone who admires your leadership style or work? Offer to mentor them. 

Building Your Confidence

We all have different personalities and comfort levels within our leadership. Some people may have more confidence than they should about their leadership. I am going to speak to the rest of you. Having the right amount of self awareness and confidence is a game changer when it comes to leading. If you are in a place where you know your skill level, and in a role that challenges you, and you are fully capable of executing it–sweet! Most of us are either moving into a leadership role that is beyond our talents or constantly worrying about who sees our screw-ups. We find ourselves trying to make sure others around the leadership table think we have it together. I was a very insecure leader for too many years. I was not aware of the strength of my leadership. I didn’t see my qualities that made me strategic, a problem solver, and an inclusive developer of future leaders. All I saw was fear. I felt like I was operating as an imposter of a leader. That messed with my head and kept me from accepting even bigger challenges. This, no doubt, added anxiety and stress on my body. Somehow I pushed through it for years before doing the work to really know myself and let go of fears I had. I needed to embrace my own leadership. 

I spent time doing a few things that helped me grow as a leader. I learned more about my personality through some leadership assessment tools. I let go of fears I had about perceived rejection of other people or organizations. I spent time asking God who I was so I was only listening to know my true self–not what I wanted to be or what others said I was. Lastly, I let go of any shame or guilt I had from previous things I had thought or done in my life. It is amazing how those seem to haunt us when we are trying to move ahead. 

Finding your Leadership Style

Not all leaders are built the same. This is really important to know and understand. You might find in your field of choice or company that all leaders need to be the same, but the world is filled with different kinds of leaders for a reason. There are different tasks to accomplish. There are different leaders for different parts of an organization. The real key is to identify what kind of leader you are and to run in your lane. Grow in those skills. Find other leaders like you to inspire you. 

There are all kinds of leadership books and conferences out there to help you navigate this journey. I have found that I am someone who loves to develop people in my leadership. I am willing to do the extra work it takes to bring others along with me to train someone for their next leadership assignment. I am also the type of leader who doesn’t use position to get my team to follow me. I prefer to operate in a level of personhood. I let my reputation speak for itself. It allows me to be able to lead in various departments or tasks based on who I can bring to the table, not just what. I tend to be a leader who likes to find new ways to solve problems and help others through change management. I also realize I am someone who likes to start or activate work. I am not good at maintaining things for long. I get bored and can make a team stale if I stay too long. What have you discovered about yourself as a leader? 

Let God Guide your Path

I cannot imagine my life and career without God guiding me along the way. From early in my childhood, I  learned to pray and ask God to guide my life. It has proven to be comforting and reassuring to know I am on a good path. And, even if it is hard or lonely, I can do it. Each move in my career has been based on some assurance from God that it is for me. A door shuts in the direction I thought I wanted to go, or a gut feeling that let me know it was the role I should take. Sometimes it is about the timing of a decision. I may feel a pause to wait or think about something longer before moving. Other times, I feel like I am supposed to listen to a trusted person for direction. Each of these times start with me praying and asking God for direction, reading verses that may provide direction and being open to promptings I feel as a result of it. AND–patience. The answers or direction don’t always come right away. It can take time to be sure. If the opportunity passes you by, that might be your answer. 

Finishing Well

I am now in the final stages of my career. The ability to have years of experience, and time to reflect on my leadership, has been a gift. Sometimes you need a break, a pause, or a sabbatical to really analyze where you are. I have been able to reflect on each of my roles and see what I can learn. I see where I could have leaned more into mentors at certain stages of my life. I see how my lack of confidence kept me from some great opportunities I should have leaned more into. I see where I got stale in a few roles, and should have asked for a change or made one. I have even reflected on a few roles where I did not have the passion needed to lead something. I should have given the opportunity to someone else who did have that passion,|and more and earlier success may have happened. If you have some years under your belt as a leader, I recommend taking a bit of time to objectively reflect. It will serve you well for the next leg of your race as a leader to see where you shine the brightest.